Unfortunately, divorce is something in our society that is so regularly seen that it is no longer seen as a big deal. What is funny to me however, is that 70% of couples who divorce regret their divorce within 2 years. 70%! That's a huge number. To me, what this means is that couples really do love each other and want to make things work, but they dont put forth sufficient effort to do so. What I also found interesting is that men more likely get remarried, or at least men get remarried faster. Why? Think about it. Women typically get most or all custody of the kids (if there are any) and they now have to support themselves all on their own. Their time is now fully consumed by kids and work meaning that they dont have time to go out and meet people to have the option of remarriage. Men on the other hand, typically have a lot more time on their hands to meet new people.
There are so many reasons why divorce is a necessity. But I think that it should always be looked at as an absolute last resort-especially if the couple has children. The effects of divorce on children can be very extreme. I have seen several divorces in my life (fortunately not my parents personally). One of which is actually my roommate. I have seen her go through it since the beginning and it has been really hard on her. I've seen how her dad has become more distant and her mom has pressured her to pick sides. Plus she has two younger brothers who are still living at home who, I am sure, are having just as hard-if not harder-time with the separation. When going through a divorce, and after, it is important to make sure your kids know you love them, not force them to pick sides, and maintain an authoritative parenting style. Not all children will experience divorce the same, but doing everything you can to make sure that the children adjust well is vitally important.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Parenting
This week just so happens to be the week when the Supreme Court is trying to make a decision on redefining marriage to now include same-sex couples. Now before I talk about what we discussed in lecture this week, I have to mention a little back story. Last year around this time, I was talking to my roommate Allison about this exact topic and I told her how I, personally, have no problem with allowing same-sex couples to marry. I thought that it honestly does not effect me in any way, shape, or form so why should I care if gay couples are able to get married? I will get the opportunity to marry my best friend someday, why shouldn't they? I honestly did not see any reason as to why someone would be opposed to same-sex couples getting married and thought that those who did, were just homophobic. It wasn't until this very class, where I began to learn the real importance of the family and having a mother and a father for each child.
The reason I mention this during the week of "Parenting" is because of the importance and responsibility each person has to be the best parent they can be and to raise their children to be the same. There are things that a mother contributes that a father cannot-and vice-versa! Watching this video from an 11 year old girl's view point really helped me see this even more.
The reason I mention this during the week of "Parenting" is because of the importance and responsibility each person has to be the best parent they can be and to raise their children to be the same. There are things that a mother contributes that a father cannot-and vice-versa! Watching this video from an 11 year old girl's view point really helped me see this even more.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Fathers & Finances
We talked a lot this week about working mothers and the effect that has on the family. I found it interesting that while many mothers go to work to help support the family and bring more money to the table, they actually typically end up spending just as much if not more money as they make on day care for the kids. So in all reality, it doesn't make any more money for the family.
There are also many women who feel that being a stay-at-home mom is a waist of time and a waist of a college education that they spend oh so much money on. But I think that there is great value in a full-time homemaker. Yes, to the world it may seem as if going to college, getting an education, spending thousands and thousands of dollars and four or more years on a higher education that "won't ever be used" would be pointless, but it is a great benefit to the home. Parents are children's first teachers. From day one, they are teaching them everything, even things they don't realize that they are teaching. Not only will an educated home-maker be beneficial in the sense that it will help mom be a better teacher to her children, but it is also proven that educated parent's have better relationships with their spouses and their children. There are other ways that a homemaker can get intellectual stimulation. Continue to go to school, join a book club, keep updated with the news and what is going on, etc. In a religious aspect, we learn that all the knowledge we obtain in this life will carry over with us to the eternities, so we might as well get as much as we can, even if we may feel that "we aren't using it".
There are also many women who feel that being a stay-at-home mom is a waist of time and a waist of a college education that they spend oh so much money on. But I think that there is great value in a full-time homemaker. Yes, to the world it may seem as if going to college, getting an education, spending thousands and thousands of dollars and four or more years on a higher education that "won't ever be used" would be pointless, but it is a great benefit to the home. Parents are children's first teachers. From day one, they are teaching them everything, even things they don't realize that they are teaching. Not only will an educated home-maker be beneficial in the sense that it will help mom be a better teacher to her children, but it is also proven that educated parent's have better relationships with their spouses and their children. There are other ways that a homemaker can get intellectual stimulation. Continue to go to school, join a book club, keep updated with the news and what is going on, etc. In a religious aspect, we learn that all the knowledge we obtain in this life will carry over with us to the eternities, so we might as well get as much as we can, even if we may feel that "we aren't using it".
Friday, March 15, 2013
Communication and Mutual Problem Solving
This week, while talking about communication, Brother Williams challenged us to be very careful with all of our communications with friends, roommates, and family. It wasn't until this challenge, that I realized that I could really benefit from trying to be better at communicating with those around me. I know that one of my roommates and I regularly have tiffs, partly because I am sure that she may be bipolar and partly because I am sure that I do not communicate as well as I could. There are times that she wont let me communicate with her and will shut me out, but the times that I have the opportunity to talk with her, I need to be very careful with the words, tone, and body language I use-especially because she takes everything that is said to such a dramatic extent.
Just because someone is hard to get along with doesn't mean that they are the only ones that we should be careful about how we communicate. We can mis-communicate with anyone on any topic. With the technologies that we have now-a-days can also greatly affect the way we communicate. All the emailing, Facebooking, and texting has impaired our ability to have successful face to face communication. I know so many people who can only talk to someone if they are doing it behind a screen, I was once one of them. How do we fix this? Put the phones and computers and actually talk to our friends and family!
Just because someone is hard to get along with doesn't mean that they are the only ones that we should be careful about how we communicate. We can mis-communicate with anyone on any topic. With the technologies that we have now-a-days can also greatly affect the way we communicate. All the emailing, Facebooking, and texting has impaired our ability to have successful face to face communication. I know so many people who can only talk to someone if they are doing it behind a screen, I was once one of them. How do we fix this? Put the phones and computers and actually talk to our friends and family!
Friday, March 8, 2013
The Family Under Stress
All families encounter crisis and conflicts. It's inevitable. The extent of the conflict or crisis vary between families, as well as does the reaction and result of the family and the dynamic. There are really two results that can occur after a family crisis-a centrifugal spiral (families pull away from each other) or a centripetal spiral (families come closer together). The hope is that families grow closer together and have a stronger bond because they have experienced a crisis together and have worked through it the best way possible.
When I think of a family in crisis, I think of on family in-particular. I have known this family as long as I can remember. I grew up across the street from the Browns (name's have been changed) when my family lived in Colorado Springs, CO. I love this family dearly. Their only daughter, Nora, and I have been best friends since I was only a year old. About a year and a half ago, the Brown's second son, James, died while serving in the Army over seas. He was only 25 years old. It is of no shock to say that this family went through an incredible crisis. Losing a son and a brother is something that no parent should have to do and no sibling would want to do. From an outside perspective, it appeared as if, through this incredible crisis, the Brown's became closer to one another and began to more heavily rely on each other. I saw them declare love for one another than I had ever seen them declare once before. The Brown's very well could have pulled apart from each other. They could have shut down and relied on friends rather than family. But the pulled together instead.
Not all crisis' are this severe, but through any and all crisis' a family can pull together or pull apart. My hope is that in my family, we will be able to rely on one another and grow closer when ever we go through a crisis.
When I think of a family in crisis, I think of on family in-particular. I have known this family as long as I can remember. I grew up across the street from the Browns (name's have been changed) when my family lived in Colorado Springs, CO. I love this family dearly. Their only daughter, Nora, and I have been best friends since I was only a year old. About a year and a half ago, the Brown's second son, James, died while serving in the Army over seas. He was only 25 years old. It is of no shock to say that this family went through an incredible crisis. Losing a son and a brother is something that no parent should have to do and no sibling would want to do. From an outside perspective, it appeared as if, through this incredible crisis, the Brown's became closer to one another and began to more heavily rely on each other. I saw them declare love for one another than I had ever seen them declare once before. The Brown's very well could have pulled apart from each other. They could have shut down and relied on friends rather than family. But the pulled together instead.
Not all crisis' are this severe, but through any and all crisis' a family can pull together or pull apart. My hope is that in my family, we will be able to rely on one another and grow closer when ever we go through a crisis.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Sexual Intimacy and Family Life
I've always learned that men and women cannot be just friends, but up until this weeks discussions and assignments I didn't realize how true this is and how it could cause some major issues inside of a marriage. As part of this weeks assignments, we were required to watch a PowerPoint about affair prevention and it got me thinking. I have always had best friends that were guys, we are always together and it was never something that I gave much thought. But when I get married, I've come to realize that I will most likely have to put these friendships on hold-indefinitely. This isn't to say that I can't have acquaintances that are men, but they can't be my "best friend". I can't spend a ton of time with them, I can't spend alone time with them. My husband needs to be my best friend, not someone else. I think that this is the best way to prevent an affair in marriage. People typically have affairs with friends or co-workers who they have become close to. If we simply don't have these extremely close relationships with people of the opposite gender, we won't risk having the temptation to have an affair. It's as simple as that.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Transitions in Marriage
During lecture this week, we talked about the trends of marriage-fewer, people are marrying later, more people are alone, and divorce rates are higher. Why aren't people getting married? Some of the reason that we discussed were that more people are cohabitating (living together before marriage) today than ever before, it's more convenient to not get married and get "tied down", and people are afraid to be in such a serious relationship-afraid to be a provider for their families.
It's funny to me that so many people choose to cohabitate because they think that living together before being committed will help them to "test the waters" and try it out. Yet, people who cohabitate are actually less likely to have successful marriages. Interesting.
We also discussed how the most common time for a couple to get divorced is between 2-5 years into the marriage. Why? One answer: Children. This is typically the time in a marriage that couples start to have or try to have children. It only makes sense that children add stress to a couples relationship and if they do not learn to manage that stress, they pull apart. There is also the possibility that the couple is trying to have children and no matter what, they can't seem to conceive. This would be another stressor to the couple, which again could pull them apart.
With each consecutive child, a couples happiness levels go down. Why? STRESS. The more stress a person is under, it only makes sense that the less happy they would be. But this doesn't mean we dont have children or that we are doomed to end our marriages. If before a couple has children, they ensure that there relationship is as solid as a rock and that they are as happy as can be, then when the children come along, the ding that comes with them wont be as bad. Plus there is always the day to look forward to when each child leaves the home and the couples level of happiness increases.
It's funny to me that so many people choose to cohabitate because they think that living together before being committed will help them to "test the waters" and try it out. Yet, people who cohabitate are actually less likely to have successful marriages. Interesting.
We also discussed how the most common time for a couple to get divorced is between 2-5 years into the marriage. Why? One answer: Children. This is typically the time in a marriage that couples start to have or try to have children. It only makes sense that children add stress to a couples relationship and if they do not learn to manage that stress, they pull apart. There is also the possibility that the couple is trying to have children and no matter what, they can't seem to conceive. This would be another stressor to the couple, which again could pull them apart.
With each consecutive child, a couples happiness levels go down. Why? STRESS. The more stress a person is under, it only makes sense that the less happy they would be. But this doesn't mean we dont have children or that we are doomed to end our marriages. If before a couple has children, they ensure that there relationship is as solid as a rock and that they are as happy as can be, then when the children come along, the ding that comes with them wont be as bad. Plus there is always the day to look forward to when each child leaves the home and the couples level of happiness increases.
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